ENG101 English Composition I Chapter 7

 Chapter 7: Refining Your Writing: How Do I Improve My Writing Technique?

7.1 Sentence Variety

Have you ever found yourself dissatisfied with a dish at a restaurant, despite it incorporating all your favorite ingredients? Much like a meal lacking the perfect blend of flavors, a paragraph may contain all the essential components yet miss the stylistic finesse necessary to captivate a reader. Writers, at times, fall into the trap of employing the same sentence pattern consistently. Just as repeatedly performing a task can become mundane, reading text filled with sentences of uniform length and structure can lead to monotony and boredom. Skilled writers, however, elevate their writing by employing a diverse range of sentence patterns, rhythms, and lengths.

In this chapter, we'll accompany Naomi, a student navigating the refinement of her essay draft. The focus will be on integrating sentence variety into writing, exploring various techniques for opening sentences, and employing diverse sentence structures to connect ideas. As you engage with these strategies during the revision process, you'll infuse life and rhythm into your work, making the reading experience more enjoyable for your audience.

Incorporating Sentence Variety

Seasoned writers master the art of incorporating sentence variety into their writing, skillfully manipulating style and structure. The deliberate use of diverse sentence structures not only mitigates repetition but also imparts emphasis to crucial points within the text. Consider the following example:

During my time in office I have achieved several goals. I have helped increase funding for local schools. I have reduced crime rates in the neighborhood. I have encouraged young people to get involved in their community. My competitor argues that she is the better choice in the upcoming election. I argue that it is ridiculous to fix something that isn’t broken. If you reelect me this year, I promise to continue to serve this community.

In this snippet from an election campaign, the author relies on short, straightforward sentences with a uniform length and style. There's a common misconception among writers that this approach enhances clarity for readers. However, the unintended outcome is a paragraph that feels disjointed, lacking sophistication, and fails to captivate the audience's attention. Let's now examine the revised paragraph infused with sentence variety:

During my time in office, I have helped increase funding for local schools, reduced crime rates in the neighborhood, and encouraged young people to get involved in their community. Why fix what isn’t broken? If you reelect me this year, I will continue to achieve great things for this community. Don’t take a chance on an unknown contender; vote for the proven success.

Observe the effective use of a brief rhetorical question strategically placed among the longer sentences in the paragraph. In the revised version, the initial choppy sentences are amalgamated into a single, more extended sentence, introducing a rhythmic flow that significantly enhances the paragraph's intrigue and engagement.

Proficient writers frequently employ the "rule of three," a concept rooted in the idea that elements presented in threes are not only more memorable but also more satisfying to readers than any other numerical arrangement. Aim to incorporate a series of three when furnishing examples, grouping adjectives, or creating lists, as this technique enhances both clarity and impact in your writing.

Exercise

Combine each set of simple sentences into a compound or a complex sentence. Write the combined sentence on your own sheet of paper.

Heroin is an extremely addictive drug. Thousands of heroin addicts die each year.

Shakespeare’s writing is still relevant today. He wrote about timeless themes. These themes include love, hate, jealousy, death, and destiny.

Gay marriage is now legal in six states. Iowa, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Vermont, New Hampshire, and Maine all permit same-sex marriage. Other states are likely to follow their example.

Prewriting is a vital stage of the writing process. Prewriting helps you organize your ideas. Types of prewriting include outlining, brainstorming, and idea mapping.

Mitch Bancroft is a famous writer. He also serves as a governor on the local school board. Mitch’s two children attend the school.

Using Sentence Variety at the Beginning of Sentences

Read the following sentences and consider what they all have in common:

John and Amanda will be analyzing this week’s financial report.

The car screeched to a halt just a few inches away from the young boy.

Students rarely come to the exam adequately prepared.

If you're struggling to discern the similarity in these sentences, consider underlining the subject in each. You'll observe that the subject consistently occupies the initial position—John and Amanda, the car, students. Because the subject-verb-object pattern represents the most basic sentence structure, it's common for writers to lean heavily on this approach. However, excessive use can lead to monotonous paragraphs lacking sentence variety.

Naomi composed an essay dissecting the 2008 government bailout. Delve into this snippet from Naomi's essay:

This segment delves into various methods for introducing sentence variety at the outset, utilizing Naomi's essay as a illustrative example.

Starting a Sentence with an Adverb

To steer clear of commencing sentences with the subject, one effective technique is to incorporate an adverb. An adverb, denoting a word describing a verb, adjective, or another adverb, frequently concludes with -ly. Examples of adverbs encompass quickly, softly, quietly, angrily, and timidly. Review the following sentences:

She slowly turned the corner and peered into the murky basement.

Slowly, she turned the corner and peered into the murky basement.

In the second sentence, the adverb "slowly" takes the lead. When read aloud, you'll discern that repositioning the adverb not only alters the sentence's rhythm but also subtly shifts its meaning. The second sentence accentuates the deliberate pace at which the subject moves—slowly—introducing a tension-building element. This technique proves particularly impactful in fictional writing.

It's essential to note that when an adverb is employed at the sentence's inception, it is typically succeeded by a comma. This comma signals a brief pause for the reader, fostering a rhetorical device that enhances the overall effect. Engage in reading the subsequent sentences aloud, reflecting on the impact of the pause following the adverb:

Cautiously, he unlocked the kennel and waited for the dog’s reaction.

Solemnly, the policeman approached the mayor and placed him under arrest.

Suddenly, he slammed the door shut and sprinted across the street.

In an academic essay, relocating an adverb to the sentence's commencement serves to diversify the paragraph's rhythm and enhance sentence variety.

In her essay, Naomi has employed two adverbs that could be repositioned to the beginning of their respective sentences. Observe how the subsequent revised version imparts a more diverse and engaging paragraph:

Adverbs of time, which indicate when an action occurs, do not always necessitate a comma when placed at the beginning of a sentence. Examples of adverbs of time encompass words like yesterday, today, later, sometimes, often, and now.

Starting a Sentence with a Prepositional Phrase

To circumvent initiating a sentence with the subject, consider employing an adverb—a word that provides description to a verb, adjective, or another adverb, typically concluding in -ly. Examples of adverbs encompass swiftly, softly, quietly, angrily, and timidly. Take a moment to peruse the ensuing sentences:

She slowly turned the corner and peered into the murky basement.

Slowly, she turned the corner and peered into the murky basement.

In the second sentence, observe how the adverb "slowly" takes precedence at the sentence's outset. When these sentences are vocalized, the shift in rhythm becomes apparent, subtly modifying the sentence's essence. The second sentence accentuates the subject's gradual movement, introducing a crescendo of tension. This stylistic maneuver proves particularly potent in the realm of fictional writing.

It's noteworthy that commencing a sentence with an adverb typically necessitates a subsequent comma. This punctuation signals a momentary pause, serving as a rhetorical device that enhances the overall impact. Experience the following sentences aloud, allowing the effect of the pause after the adverb to resonate:

Cautiously, he unlocked the kennel and waited for the dog’s reaction.

Solemnly, the policeman approached the mayor and placed him under arrest.

Suddenly, he slammed the door shut and sprinted across the street.

In the context of an academic essay, the relocation of an adverb to the sentence's outset functions to diversify the paragraph's cadence and enhance sentence variability.

In her essay, Naomi has strategically positioned two adverbs at the beginning of their respective sentences. Take note of how this revised version produces a paragraph with greater diversity:

Not every adverb of time, those indicating when an action occurs, necessitates a comma when positioned at the start of a sentence. Adverbs of time encompass terms like yesterday, today, later, sometimes, often, and now.

Exercise

On your own sheet of paper, rewrite the following sentences by moving the adverbs to the beginning.

The red truck sped furiously past the camper van, blaring its horn.

Jeff snatched at the bread hungrily, polishing off three slices in under a minute.

Underage drinking typically results from peer pressure and lack of parental attention.

The firefighters bravely tackled the blaze, but they were beaten back by flames.

Mayor Johnson privately acknowledged that the budget was excessive and that further discussion was needed.

Starting a Sentence with a Prepositional Phrase

A prepositional phrase functions as either an adjective or an adverb, altering a noun or a verb. Comprising a preposition (which designates place, direction, or time) and an object of the preposition (a noun phrase or pronoun following the preposition), prepositional phrases are integral elements in sentence structure.

Table 7.1 Common Prepositions

Read the following sentence:

The terrified child hid underneath the table.

Within this sentence, the prepositional phrase "underneath the table" is highlighted. The preposition "underneath" establishes a connection with the subsequent object—the table. Notably, adjectives have the flexibility to be inserted between the preposition and the object within a prepositional phrase.

The terrified child hid underneath the heavy wooden table.

To infuse diversity into a written piece, certain prepositional phrases can be repositioned to commence a sentence. Observe the transformed sentence below:

Underneath the heavy wooden table, the terrified child hid.

It's important to note that relocating the prepositional phrase to the start of a sentence alters the emphasis, shifting it from the subject—the terrified child—to the child's hiding place. Typically, words positioned at the beginning or end of a sentence garner the most emphasis. Explore the examples below, with the underlined prepositional phrase in each:

The bandaged man waited in the doctor’s office.

In the doctor’s office, the bandaged man waited.

My train leaves the station at 5:45 p.m.

At 5:45 p.m., my train leaves the station.

Teenagers exchange drugs and money under the railway bridge.

Under the railway bridge, teenagers exchange drugs and money.

Prepositional phrases prove invaluable in diverse forms of writing. Revisit Naomi's essay on the government bailout for further illustration.

Now read the revised version.

The underlined expressions in this text constitute prepositional phrases. Observe how they contribute supplementary details to the content, fostering a smooth flow in the essay and rendering it a more enjoyable and cohesive read.

Unmovable Prepositional Phrases

Not every prepositional phrase lends itself to relocation at the beginning of a sentence. Consider the following example:

I would like a chocolate sundae without whipped cream.

In this sentence, "without whipped cream" functions as the prepositional phrase. Due to its role in describing the chocolate sundae, it cannot be shifted to the beginning of the sentence. "Without whipped cream, I would like a chocolate sundae" would not convey the same meaning, or might not make sense at all. The decision to move a prepositional phrase is contingent upon understanding the sentence's intended meaning.

Overuse of Prepositional Phrases

Proficient writers frequently incorporate multiple prepositional phrases into a sentence; nonetheless, it is crucial to avoid overwhelming your writing. Excessive use of modifiers within a paragraph can inadvertently evoke a humorous effect, as illustrated in the following example:

The treasure lay buried under the old oak tree, behind the crumbling fifteenth-century wall, near the schoolyard, where children played merrily during their lunch hour, unaware of the riches that remained hidden beneath their feet.

Effectiveness in a sentence doesn't solely hinge on its length and complexity. If your sentence seems crowded with prepositional phrases, consider breaking it into two shorter sentences. The preceding sentence gains clarity and impact when expressed as two simpler sentences:

The treasure lay buried under the old oak tree, behind the crumbling fifteenth-century wall. In the nearby schoolyard, children played merrily during their lunch hour, unaware of the riches that remained hidden beneath their feet.

Writing at Work

The excessive use of prepositional phrases often occurs when thoughts are disorganized, and the relationships between concepts are unclear. When preparing a report or proposal, take the initiative to outline your thoughts before embarking on a rough draft. Engage in the practice of reading the draft aloud, either to yourself or a colleague, and pinpoint areas that meander or lack clarity. Should you observe that a specific segment exceeds several sentences of over twenty words, scrutinize that section to ensure coherence and eliminate unnecessary prepositional phrases. Reading aloud aids in detecting unclear and verbose sentences, while seeking a colleague's paraphrasing can confirm the clarity of your main points.

Starting a Sentence by Inverting Subject and Verb

As mentioned earlier, the majority of writers adhere to the subject-verb-object sentence structure. However, in an inverted sentence, this order is reversed, with the subject following the verb. Examine the following pairs of sentences:

A truck was parked in the driveway.

Parked in the driveway was a truck.

A copy of the file is attached.

Attached is a copy of the file.

Observe how the second sentence in each pair accentuates the subject—shifting focus to a truck in the first instance and the file in the second. This approach proves valuable for directing the reader's attention to your primary focal point. Applying this method to an academic essay, let's revisit Naomi's paragraph.

To underscore the subject in specific sentences, Naomi has opted to invert the conventional sentence structure. Explore her amended paragraph:

Observe that in the initial underlined sentence, the subject ("some economists") is positioned after the verb ("argued"). In the subsequent underlined sentence, the subject ("the government") follows the verb ("expects").

Exercise

On your own sheet of paper, rewrite the following sentences as inverted sentences.

Teresa will never attempt to run another marathon.

A detailed job description is enclosed with this letter.

Bathroom facilities are across the hall to the left of the water cooler.

The well-dressed stranger stumbled through the doorway.

My colleagues remain unconvinced about the proposed merger.

Connecting Ideas to Increase Sentence Variety

Examining and revising the commencement of sentences presents an effective means of infusing variety into your writing. Another valuable technique involves linking two sentences through a modifier, a relative clause, or an appositive. This segment delves into connecting ideas across multiple sentences, aiming to enhance sentence diversity and elevate writing.

Joining Ideas Using an –ing Modifier

On occasion, it is feasible to merge two sentences by transforming one into a modifier using the -ing verb form—such as singing, dancing, or swimming. A modifier, in this context, is a word or phrase that refines the meaning of another element in the sentence. Explore the ensuing example:

Original sentences: Steve checked the computer system. He discovered a virus.

Revised sentence: Checking the computer system, Steve discovered a virus.

To link two sentences using an -ing modifier, append -ing to one of the verbs in the sentences (checking) and omit the subject (Steve). Utilize a comma to separate the modifier from the sentence's subject. It is crucial to ensure that the primary idea in your revised sentence resides in the main clause, not the modifier. In this instance, the primary concept is that Steve uncovered a virus, not that he checked the computer system.

In the ensuing example, an -ing modifier signifies that two actions are transpiring simultaneously:

Noticing the police car, she shifted gears and slowed down.

This means that she slowed down at the same time she noticed the police car.

Barking loudly, the dog ran across the driveway.

This means that the dog barked as it ran across the driveway.

You have the flexibility to incorporate an -ing modifier either at the beginning or the end of a sentence, selecting the position that best enhances the overall flow.

Beginning: Conducting a survey among her friends, Amanda found that few were happy in their jobs.

End: Maria filed the final report, meeting her deadline.

Dangling Modifiers

A prevalent error in merging sentences with the -ing verb form is misplacing the modifier, disconnecting it logically from the rest of the sentence and resulting in a dangling modifier. Consider the subsequent example:

Jogging across the parking lot, my breath grew ragged and shallow.

In this sentence, "jogging across the parking lot" appears to modify "my breath." Given that breath cannot jog, the sentence ought to be restructured, placing the subject immediately after the modifier or incorporating it into the dangling phrase.

Jogging across the parking lot, I felt my breath grow ragged and shallow.

To delve deeper into dangling modifiers, refer to Chapter 2, "Writing Basics: What Makes a Good Sentence?".

Joining Ideas Using an –ed Modifier

Certain sentences can be merged using an -ed verb form—stopped, finished, played. To employ this approach, one of the sentences should incorporate a form of "be" as a helping verb, in conjunction with the -ed verb form. Examine the subsequent example:

Original sentences: The Jones family was delayed by a traffic jam. They arrived several hours after the party started.

Revised sentence: Delayed by a traffic jam, the Jones family arrived several hours after the party started.

In the original rendition, "was" functions as a helping verb, devoid of intrinsic meaning but serving a grammatical purpose by situating the main verb ("delayed") in the perfect tense.

To link two sentences using an -ed modifier, omit the helping verb ("was") and the subject ("the Jones family") from the sentence containing the -ed verb form. This creates a modifying phrase ("delayed by a traffic jam") that can be inserted at the beginning or end of the other sentence, depending on which placement is more fitting. Similar to the -ing modifier, exercise caution to position the word modified by the phrase immediately after it to prevent a dangling modifier.

The utilization of -ing or -ed modifiers aids in streamlining your writing by establishing clear connections between two sentences. Explore how Naomi could incorporate modifiers in her paragraph.

In the updated iteration of the essay, the -ing modifier is employed to establish a connection between the government's choice to bail out the banks and the subsequent outcome—the acquisition of mortgage-backed securities.

Joining Ideas Using a Relative Clause

Another method employed by writers to merge sentences involves connecting them through a relative clause. This type of clause is a collection of words that includes a subject and a verb, elucidating a noun. Relative clauses operate as adjectives, addressing questions like which one? or what kind? They commence with a relative pronoun, such as who, which, where, why, or when. Explore the ensuing examples:

Original sentences: The managing director is visiting the company next week. He lives in Seattle.

Revised sentence: The managing director, who lives in Seattle, is visiting the company next week.

To unite two sentences using a relative clause, replace the subject of one sentence (he) with a relative pronoun (who). This substitution yields a relative clause (who lives in Seattle), which can be positioned alongside the noun it describes (the managing director). Ensure that the sentence you wish to underscore remains the main clause. Altering the order of the main and subordinate clauses places emphasis on where the managing director lives, rather than the fact that he is visiting the company.

Revised sentence: The managing director, who is visiting the company next week, lives in Seattle.

Incorporating relative clauses into a sentence is a beneficial method for offering supplementary, nonessential information. Explore how Naomi could integrate relative clauses into her essay.

Observe how the underlined relative clauses in Naomi's essay can be omitted without altering the sentence's meaning.

To verify the punctuation of relative clauses, evaluate if the clause can be extracted from the sentence without altering its meaning. If the relative clause is nonessential to the sentence's meaning, it should be enclosed in commas. Conversely, if the relative clause is integral to the sentence's meaning, it does not necessitate commas around it.

Joining Ideas Using an Appositive

An appositive, a word or group of words describing or renaming a noun or pronoun, proves to be a beneficial tool for amalgamating sentences that may be excessively short and choppy. Explore the given example:

Original sentences: Harland Sanders began serving food for hungry travelers in 1930. He is Colonel Sanders or “the Colonel.”

Revised sentence: Harland Sanders, “the Colonel,” began serving food for hungry travelers in 1930.

In the refined sentence, "the Colonel" functions as an appositive, renaming Harland Sanders. To merge two sentences through an appositive, exclude the subject and verb from the sentence that provides the renaming and transform it into a phrase. It's noteworthy that, as observed in the preceding example, the appositive is positioned immediately after the noun it describes. While an appositive can be situated anywhere in a sentence, it must directly precede or follow the noun to which it refers:

Appositive after noun: Scott, a poorly trained athlete, was not expected to win the race.

Appositive before noun: A poorly trained athlete, Scott was not expected to win the race.

In contrast to relative clauses, appositives consistently feature punctuation with a comma or a pair of commas. Observe how Naomi employs appositives to incorporate additional facts in her essay.

Exercise

On your own sheet of paper, rewrite the following sentence pairs as one sentence using the techniques you have learned in this section.

Baby sharks are called pups. Pups can be born in one of three ways.

The Pacific Ocean is the world’s largest ocean. It extends from the Arctic in the north to the Southern Ocean in the south.

Michael Phelps won eight gold medals in the 2008 Olympics. He is a champion swimmer.

Ashley introduced her colleague Dan to her husband, Jim. She speculated that the two of them would have a lot in common.

Cacao is harvested by hand. It is then sold to chocolate-processing companies at the Coffee, Sugar, and Cocoa Exchange.

Writing at Work

Alongside diversifying sentence structure, consider varying the types of sentences employed in a report or other workplace document. While the majority are declarative, strategically integrating a question, exclamation, or command can engage colleagues, even when the subject matter is relatively dry. For instance, envision composing a budget analysis. Initiating your report with a rhetorical question like "Where is our money going?" or "How can we increase sales?" entices readers to explore further for answers. Although moderation is key in academic and professional writing, questions or commands serve as effective rhetorical devices.

7.2 Coordination and Subordination

In the preceding section, we explored the utilization of diverse patterns to foster sentence variety and underscore crucial points in our writing. Now, let's delve into two methods for combining sentences with interconnected ideas:

Coordination. Joining two related ideas of equal importance.

Subordination. Joining two related ideas of unequal importance.

Establishing connections between sentences through coordinate or subordinate clauses fosters greater coherence in paragraphs, resulting in more impactful writing. In this segment, you'll peruse excerpts from Naomi's classmate, Joshua, who crafted an essay on wine production. Examine this snippet from Joshua's essay:

This portion explores various techniques for merging sentences through coordination and subordination, employing Joshua's essay as an illustrative example.

Coordination

Coordination unites two independent clauses harboring related ideas of equal significance.

Original sentences: I spent my entire paycheck last week. I am staying home this weekend.

In their present structure, these sentences encapsulate two distinct ideas that may or may not be interconnected. Am I staying home this week because I spent my paycheck, or is there another reason for my reluctance to leave the house? To denote a correlation between the two ideas, we can employ the coordinating conjunction "so."

Revised sentence: I spent my entire paycheck last week, so I am staying home this weekend.

The modified sentence elucidates the connection between the two ideas. Note that the sentence preserves two independent clauses ("I spent my entire paycheck;" and "I am staying home this weekend"), as each can independently convey a complete idea.

Coordinating Conjunctions

A coordinating conjunction is a term that links two independent clauses. The primary coordinating conjunctions are for, and, nor, but, or, yet, and so. It's essential to include a comma before the coordinating conjunction when uniting two clauses.

To aid in recalling the seven coordinating conjunctions, utilize the acronym FANBOYS: for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so. Keep in mind that when incorporating a coordinating conjunction in a sentence, a comma should precede it.

Conjunctive Adverbs

An alternate approach to uniting two independent clauses with interconnected and equivalent ideas involves employing a conjunctive adverb and a semicolon (refer to Chapter 2, "Writing Basics: What Makes a Good Sentence?" for details on semicolon usage). A conjunctive adverb serves as a connecting word that illustrates a relationship between two clauses. Examine the following sentences:

Original sentences: Bridget wants to take part in the next Olympics. She trains every day.

Given that these sentences embody two equivalent and interconnected ideas, they can be connected using a conjunctive adverb. Now, review the amended sentence:

Revised sentence: Bridget wants to take part in the next Olympics; therefore, she trains every day.

The modified sentence elucidates the connection between Bridget's aspiration to participate in the next Olympics and her daily training. Observe that the conjunctive adverb follows a semicolon, which delineates the separation between the two clauses and is succeeded by a comma.

Refer to the subsequent chart, which outlines some prevalent conjunctive adverbs along with examples illustrating their usage:

Examine Joshua's essay on wine production and pinpoint instances where he could employ coordination.

Now, review Joshua's revised essay. Did you unify the same sentences? Your responses might differ as there are typically multiple ways to merge two independent clauses.

Exercise

Combine each sentence pair into a single sentence using either a coordinating conjunction or a conjunctive adverb. Then copy the combined sentence onto your own sheet of paper.

Pets are not allowed in Mr. Taylor’s building. He owns several cats and a parrot.

New legislation prevents drivers from sending or reading text messages while driving. Many people continue to use their phones illegally.

The coroner concluded that the young man had taken a lethal concoction of drugs. By the time his relatives found him, nothing could be done.

Amphibians are vertebrates that live on land and in the water. Flatworms are invertebrates that live only in water.

Ashley carefully fed and watered her tomato plants all summer. The tomatoes grew juicy and ripe.

When he lost his car key, Simon attempted to open the door with a wire hanger, a credit card, and a paperclip. He called the manufacturer for advice.

Writing at Work

When composing an essay or a report, it's crucial to avoid excessive coordination. Workplace documents demand clarity and conciseness, so only couple two clauses that are logically linked and can collaboratively convey a central point. If you repetitively use the same coordinating conjunction within a sentence, you likely incorporate more than one idea. This complexity may impede readers from discerning the paramount information in each sentence.

Subordination

Subordination intertwines two sentences with interconnected ideas by amalgamating them into a main clause (a complete sentence) and a dependent clause (a construction reliant on the main clause to convey its meaning). While coordination imparts equal significance to the combined ideas, subordination empowers a writer to underscore one idea over the other. Review the subsequent sentences:

Original sentences: Tracy stopped to help the injured man. She would be late for work.

To illustrate the connection between these two ideas, we can consolidate them into a single sentence using the subordinating conjunction "even though."

Revised sentence: Even though Tracy would be late for work, she stopped to help the injured man.

In the modified version, we now possess an independent clause ("she stopped to help the injured man") that functions as a complete sentence, and a dependent clause ("even though Tracy would be late for work") that is subordinate to the main clause. Note that the revised sentence places emphasis on the fact that Tracy halted to assist the injured man, rather than underscoring her potential tardiness for work. Alternatively, we could phrase the sentence as follows:

Revised sentence: Tracy stopped to help the injured man even though she would be late for work.

The meaning remains consistent in both sentences, with the subordinating conjunction "even though" introducing the dependent clause.

To punctuate sentences accurately, examine the arrangement of the main clause and the subordinate clause. If a subordinate clause precedes the main clause, employ a comma. If the subordinate clause follows the main clause, no punctuation is necessary.

Subordinating Conjunctions

A subordinating conjunction is a term that connects a subordinate (dependent) clause to a main (independent) clause. Examine the subsequent chart, which outlines some prevalent subordinating conjunctions along with examples demonstrating their usage:

Examine the excerpt from Joshua's essay and pinpoint instances where he could integrate subordination.

Now, review Joshua's revised essay and compare your responses. You will likely observe that there are various approaches to subordinate sentences.

Exercise

Combine each sentence pair into a single sentence using a subordinating conjunction and then copy the combined sentence onto your own sheet of paper.

Jake is going to Mexico. There are beautiful beaches in Mexico.

A snowstorm disrupted traffic all over the east coast. There will be long delivery delays this week.

My neighbor had his television volume turned up too high. I banged on his door and asked him to keep the noise down.

Jessica prepared the potato salad and the sautéed vegetables. Ashley marinated the chicken.

Romeo poisons himself. Juliet awakes to find Romeo dead and stabs herself with a dagger.

7.3 Parallelism

In an earlier section of this chapter, we discovered that injecting sentence variety into writing enhances its appeal and contributes to a more enjoyable reading experience for others. Employing a blend of sentence lengths and patterns throughout an essay is a crucial writing technique. However, it is equally vital to eschew introducing variation within individual sentences. A robust sentence is fashioned from balanced components, all possessing the same structure. In this segment, we will explore the art of crafting balanced sentence structures through the use of parallelism.

Using Parallelism

Parallelism involves employing a similar structure in related words, clauses, or phrases, imparting a sense of rhythm and balance within a sentence. As readers, we frequently rectify faulty parallelism, marked by a lack of parallel structure, instinctively because an unbalanced sentence resonates as awkward and poorly constructed. Read the ensuing sentences aloud:

Faulty parallelism: Melly had to iron, do the washing, and shopping before her parents arrived.

Faulty parallelism: Driving a car requires coordination, patience, and to have good eyesight.

Faulty parallelism: Alice prefers jeans to wearing a suit.

All these sentences exhibit faulty parallelism. While they are factually accurate, the construction is cumbersome and perplexing. In the first example, three distinct verb forms are employed. In the second and third examples, the writer initiates each sentence with a noun (coordination, jeans) but concludes with a phrase (to have good eyesight, wearing a suit). Now, read the same three sentences with correct parallelism.

Correct parallelism: Melly had to do the ironing, washing, and shopping before her parents arrived.

Correct parallelism: Driving a car requires coordination, patience, and good eyesight.

Correct parallelism: Alice prefers wearing jeans to wearing a suit.

When these sentences are articulated with a parallel structure, they emanate a more harmonious and balanced aesthetic. The repetition of grammatical construction concurrently reduces the cognitive effort required from the reader to decipher the sentence. This, in turn, allows the reader to concentrate on the primary idea within the sentence rather than grappling with its structural composition.

A straightforward method to assess parallelism in your writing is to verify that you have matched nouns with nouns, verbs with verbs, prepositional phrases with prepositional phrases, and so forth. Underline each element in a sentence and confirm that the corresponding element adheres to the same grammatical form.

Creating Parallelism Using Coordinating Conjunctions

When you link two clauses using a coordinating conjunction (for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so), ensure that the same grammatical structure is employed on each side of the conjunction. Examine the ensuing example:

Faulty parallelism: When I walk the dog, I like to listen to music and talking to friends on the phone.

Correct parallelism: When I walk the dog, I like listening to music and talking to friends on the phone.

The initial sentence employs two distinct verb forms (to listen, talking). Conversely, in the second sentence, the grammatical structure on each side of the coordinating conjunction (and) aligns, culminating in a parallel sentence.

Apply the same technique when amalgamating items or lists in a series:

Faulty parallelism: This committee needs to decide whether the company should reduce its workforce, cut its benefits, or lowering workers’ wages.

Correct parallelism: This committee needs to decide whether the company should reduce its workforce, cut its benefits, or lower workers’ wages.

The initial sentence incorporates two items employing the same verb construction (reduce, cut) and a third item utilizing a different verb form (lowering). Conversely, the second sentence employs the same verb construction in all three items, fostering a parallel structure.

Exercise

On your own sheet of paper, revise each of the following sentences to create parallel structure using coordinating conjunctions.

Mr. Holloway enjoys reading and to play his guitar at weekends.

The doctor told Mrs. Franklin that she should either eat less or should exercise more.

Breaking out of the prison compound, the escapees moved carefully, quietly, and were quick on their feet.

I have read the book, but I have not watched the movie version.

Deal with a full inbox first thing in the morning, or by setting aside short periods of time in which to answer email queries.

Creating Parallelism Using Than or As

When crafting a comparison, ensure that the two items being compared exhibit a parallel structure. Failing to employ parallel structure in a comparison can result in confusion regarding what is being compared. Comparisons often incorporate the words "than" or "as," and the elements on each side of these comparison words should maintain parallelism. Observe the subsequent example:

Faulty parallelism: Swimming in the ocean is much tougher than a pool.

Correct parallelism: Swimming in the ocean is much tougher than swimming in a pool.

In the initial sentence, the elements before the comparison word ("than") do not align with the elements after the comparison word. It seems the writer is comparing an action (swimming) with a noun (a pool). Conversely, in the second sentence, the writer employs the same grammatical construction, cultivating a parallel structure. This clarification indicates that an action is being compared with another action.

To rectify certain instances of faulty parallelism, it may be necessary to add or delete words in a sentence.

Faulty parallelism: A brisk walk is as beneficial to your health as going for a run.

Correct parallelism: Going for a brisk walk is as beneficial to your health as going for a run.

In this illustration, it is essential to incorporate the verb phrase "going for" into the sentence to elucidate that the act of walking is being compared to the act of running.

Exercise

On your own sheet of paper, revise each of the following sentences to create parallel structure using than or as.

I would rather work at a second job to pay for a new car than a loan.

How you look in the workplace is just as important as your behavior.

The firefighter spoke more of his childhood than he talked about his job.

Indian cuisine is far tastier than the food of Great Britain.

Jame’s opponent was as tall as James and he carried far more weight.

Creating Parallelism Using Correlative Conjunctions

A correlative conjunction is a paired conjunction that links two equivalent parts of a sentence, revealing the relationship between them. Common correlative conjunctions encompass:

either…or

not only…but also

neither…nor

whether…or

rather…than

both…and

Correlative conjunctions ought to adhere to the same grammatical structure to construct a parallel sentence. Examine the subsequent example:

Faulty parallelism: We can neither wait for something to happen nor can we take evasive action.

Correct parallelism: We can neither wait for something to happen nor take evasive action.

While employing a correlative conjunction, it is imperative that the words, phrases, or clauses succeeding each part maintain parallelism. In the initial sentence, the structure of the second part does not align with that of the first part. Conversely, in the second sentence, the elimination of unnecessary words and the alignment of verb constructions establish a parallel structure. At times, restructuring a sentence rectifies faulty parallelism.

Faulty parallelism: It was both a long movie and poorly written.

Correct parallelism: The movie was both long and poorly written.

For illustrations of parallelism in action, delve into the profound historical speeches of orators like Abraham Lincoln and Martin Luther King Jr. Observe how they harness parallel structures to accentuate pivotal points and forge a seamless, easily comprehensible discourse.

For Martin Luther King Jr.'s iconic "I Have a Dream" speech, encompassing text, audio, video, and music, visit: Martin Luther King's "I Have a Dream".

Writing at Work

Speechwriters employ parallelism not only within sentences but also across paragraphs and beyond. Iterating specific key phrases throughout a speech proves to be an effective means of uniting a paragraph into a cohesive whole and instilling a sense of significance. While this technique can be applied to any form of writing, it holds particular value in shaping proposals or other persuasive documents in the workplace.

It's essential to note that the spelling and grammar checker on most word processors may not highlight faulty parallelism. During the proofreading process, reading the document aloud helps identify sentences that may sound awkward or poorly phrased.

Exercise

On your own sheet of paper, revise each of the following sentences to create parallel structure using correlative conjunctions.

The cyclist owns both a mountain bike and has a racing bike.

The movie not only contained lots of action, but also it offered an important lesson.

My current job is neither exciting nor is it meaningful.

Jason would rather listen to his father than be taking advice from me.

We are neither interested in buying a vacuum cleaner nor do we want to utilize your carpet cleaning service.

Research Assistance

Google Scholar:

In-text Citations: An Essential Part of Any Research Paper - MLA and APA Format

In Unit 6, you delved into the significance of crediting external sources utilized in essays and research papers, emphasizing the need for either paraphrasing or directly quoting the source and subsequently attributing the information to its origin.

As you embark on your research essay assignment, take a moment to peruse the provided resources elucidating the creation of parenthetical in-text citations in MLA and APA formats. Although you have the flexibility to choose your preferred formatting style for this assignment, it is advisable to familiarize yourself with both MLA and APA guidelines to grasp the fundamental structure of in-text citations in both formats.

MLA Citation:

APA Citation:

Research Paper Assignment

All ENG101 students will write a formal research paper that is at least 6 full pages not including the Works Cited page in MLA style and not including the Title Page and References Page in APA style. This means that you will ultimately submit 7 pages if you select MLA style and 8 pages if you select APA style.

Here are the details:

The research paper will need to be at least 6 pages long. If you desire to go over the 6 pages, please ask your instructor. Instructors will vary in how much over the page limit students may go.

The paper will have either MLA or APA Style for documentation of sources and formatting. You must remain consistent in your formatting style throughout the entirety of your submission.

As discussed in this course, with any research paper you MUST include proper in-text parenthetical citations. Please refer to the resources located in this course for assistance. Also, please do not hesitate to contact me individually by email with any questions you might have.

Your instructor will provide guidance on the topic of this essay. Some instructors will allow great freedom in choosing topics, while others will limit topics or have a selection of topics to choose from. This freedom on topics will vary depending upon the instructor, so please ask your instructor if he or she does not make this clear.

The paper will need to have a thesis to keep the paper focused and organized. Unit 3 explains how to develop a thesis statement and how to use it for organization.

Include a visual aid such as a picture, graphic, table, chart, etc. in the research paper and give credit to the source of this visual aid. In the six pages this assignment requires, the graphic should take up no more than one-half of one of those pages. (That really means 5.5 pages of writing with .5 of a page allowed for the visual aid). This visual aid requirement is to be in compliance with state guidelines for the class. 

The paper needs to have at least 4 outside sources. At least half of the sources you use need to be non-internet. By non-internet, this means general web pages found through a search engine such as Google or Yahoo. 

 The paper must use a formal, academic tone of voice.

 The paper is an original creation for this course session and not a reworking of any previous essay submission from any prior course experience.

 The paper also includes a large amount of the student’s own ideas and words and is not merely a linking of a series of quotes or paraphrases.

Finally, as discussed in this course, with any research paper you MUST include proper in-text parenthetical citations.

The Dangers of Cults to Society

            When you think of the word cult many things come to mind some people might think of a group or a religion some might think of secret society. If we look at the word cult from the dictionary the definition of it is as follows “a small religious group that is not part of a larger and more accepted religion and that has beliefs regarded by many people as extreme or dangerous”. Just the definition by itself tells us that cults are dangerous. But if it was just so simple how is it that people fall into cults and get stuck into them and what kind of effect can cults have on society?

 

            When we talk about some of the negative effects that cults have had on society, we can look at examples such as The Peoples Temple (1955- 1978) in which Jim Jones had his follower’s drink cyanide-laced drink which caused the loss of 909 lives. Or Shoko Asahara that had his followers attack the Japanese subway system with sarin nerve gas which changed Japan’s landscape and the removal of garbage cans in Japan in fear that they would be used in future attacks by other terrorists. Or Heaven’s Gate that believed that aliens would take them to a better place and fed his members applesauce mixed with sedatives and covered their heads with plastic bags until they died.

 

There are many more examples of groups when it comes to cults that have hurt or killed members even people outside of the cult group. But these are just a couple examples to give you an idea.

 

            When it comes to falling into these types of groups, they usually have similar things in common they usually offer something religious themed like our religion is the “truth” or comes with some kind of benefit like moving to a higher plane that success and wealth are offered. Young people fall to many of these groups because they are targeted at a young age. Older people can be targeted based on many different factors some cult religions like Knights of the Solar Sun recruited members telling them that they descended from various wealthy people and made them believe that the group could show them a way to be just as successful. But regardless of the methods used to recruit individuals people fall for this very often.

            Some of these religious cults use methods of brainwashing individual’s even on subtle levels such as repeating the same messages over and over presented in different ways or requiring individuals to highlight the “correct” answers which they deme the individual should know. I’ve experienced this myself when I was forced into the Jehovah Witness cult from a young age. They expected young people to highlight the answers and raise their hand and comment the answers they wanted to hear but in the event that you tried to use critical thinking outside of what they expected you to say they would either say something against you or switch to a different person. They also use methods of isolation making outsiders the enemies saying that people outside the religious cults are pagans or wicked people who don’t understand the message. They can use fear and intimidation such as if you leave the cult your other family members will ex-communicate you or abandon you. They do this on all levels and all age groups. We can look at a discipline guidance to see the strictness “If a minor child is disfellowshipped, the parents will still care for his physical needs and provide moral training and discipline. They would not conduct a Bible study directly with the child, with him participating. Yet this does not mean that he would not be required to sit in on the family study. And they might direct attention to parts of the Bible or Christian publications that contain counsel he needs. (Prov. 1:8-19; 6:20-22; 29:17; Eph. 6:4) They can have him accompany them to and sit with them at Christian meetings, hoping that he will take to heart Biblical counsel.” this is part of the teaching from Jehovah’s Witnesses and even though I was never baptized so I never was disfellowshipped because that only happens when a baptized individual falls away from the teaching or sins. They were still very strict telling me I was going to die if I didn’t come back to the religious belief trying to use methods of coercion to get me to come back to meetings. Some friends I knew who where disfellowshipped at a young age were made to sit at a different dinner table from parents because of being a sinner in their eyes and not deserving to be sitting with the rest of the family unless they came back to the “truth”.

 

            I’m sure you can imagine how damaging something like this could be to a young person on a psychological level. Being cut off from other family members and having them use methods of coercion to try to get you scared enough to come back. But the real danger isn’t just the effects of psychological control that cults have over their members it’s the fact that they often have a turning point that causes radicalization of the cult which then can hurt the members or even have effect against people outside of the group many innocent bystanders. “They keep new recruits in that echo chamber long enough until they’ve been able to radicalize them”. In Shoko Ashara’s example he recruited members of Japan’s military who had knowledge of making the nerve gas that he used on the subway. Knights of the Solar Sun had some members willing to be killed for the cause because they were promised they would be reborn on another star in the universe but somewhere also executed by other members.  

 

            Taking advantage of people is another way that cults often recruit members sometimes they look for emotionally vulnerable people such as people who are getting over a death of a loved one or someone who is depressed with life and looking for something better. Or someone who has lost faith in other religions and is seeking a new belief that will have answers to questions previous religion couldn’t answer. My mother fell into her religious belief that way. Frustrated with Catholic belief because of the child abuse in the news and searching for a new religion Jehovah Witnesses came to her door and with the right things she wanted to hear like being able to interpret the bible and giving promises that when she dies, she would see loved ones on a paradise earth “promised that the time will come when millions will be reunited with their dead loved ones. God’s Word contains numerous references to this promise of a coming resurrection of the dead.​”. It's clear why many could fall for something like this especially during a weak vulnerable time after losing someone.

            Many cults also aren’t advertising as a cult they are telling people they are a specific religion or religious belief. It’s usually outsiders that see the dangerous signs that notice they are a cult but if you are in such a religious cult your taught that outsiders and non-believers are dangerous and they tell you not to believe anything unless it comes from the leaders of the group. This also makes it hard to get someone to wake up and look at different views or idea’s or seeing that they are in a cult and trying to get them out of the cult. If they already see you as an enemy because you don’t believe in the religion, they already will disregard anything they say. They might even get physical or verbally violent with you when you attempt to change their idea on religion. We know religion in general can be a dangerous topic to cover even with peaceful religions but with cults it can be even more dangerous because they can get others involved against you from the cult or attempt to hurt you or other family members. That or they could just completely cut ties with you to avoid having to interact with someone that they see as a threat to their spirituality. But you should never give up on someone because there’s always a hope that something could help them wake up from it.

            When trying to help someone who has been indoctrinated into a cult avoid arguing with them or calling them names or cutting them off. Instead, be respectful show them kindness and give them regular communication. It might help them think rationally and give you a chance to help them. You should do research on coercive control and research different cults avoid conversations that you give rational opinions against their belief. Look into mind control techniques and the most effective communication strategies that work against them.  You’ll want to try to rebuild the relationship with them and avoid hot topics to build credibility. It can also help getting them out to do activities which get them to go places and do things. You can ask questions which require them to think but also be sure to listen deeply. Often times people in cults don’t really think about topics they parrot off what they are told but if you can get them questioning things you can reach someone who might not be reachable. Never “tell” them something they need to make valid discovery of information on there own because otherwise it will come back unfavorably at you like you’re trying to change them. You can try using cult leaders with similarities or teach them about indoctrination but often times those can also lead to potential argument and you never want to argue with them on any of it.

            Hopefully some of this information can not only help you avoid being trapped in a religious cult but could potentially save you or a loved one you know who is involved in a cult. Cults come with a lot of risks for individuals and can potentially hurt people inside and outside of the group but if you keep in mind all of these things you can watch yourself and your family from becoming potential victims of a cult.

ENG101 Rubric Explanation

I'd like to share some essential information regarding an additional row you'll notice in the rubric for your Research Paper.

The college is presently engaged in assessing its General Education Program by collecting data from various classes, including our ENG101 class.

In the rubric for our Research Paper, there's an extra row at the bottom dedicated to gathering data for the General Education Assessment project. As your instructor, I'm responsible for completing this last row.

It's crucial to understand that the final row does not impact your grade on the research paper or in the class. It serves as a data collection point for another program, and your name is not associated with that score during collection.

I mention this because the Gen Ed rubric I use for this assessment is quite rigorous, modeled on a four-year university standard. Consequently, earning a score of "4" on that rubric would imply work at the level expected at the conclusion of a four-year degree.

Given that we are a 100-level class, the college's expectation is that students will align with goals at the level of "1," which is considered normal. Achieving a "2" is even better, showcasing exceptional work at this college level.

Occasionally, you may see a "3" or "4" on the rubric, typically when a student with a prior degree returns to college. In such cases, the student might have previously taken ENG101 years ago.

IMPORTANT:

To summarize, please don't be alarmed if you see a "1" or "2" on that last row of the Research Paper Rubric. It's perfectly normal and aligns with the expected level for this college. Importantly, it has no impact on your grade, and the scores are part of a data collection system that doesn't link them to your name. Feel free to reach out if you have any concerns or questions. I'm sharing this information so you won't feel alarmed, and rest assured, everything is normal with a "1," and you should feel particularly proud if you see a "2" at this level.